tiny person.

5.22.2012

Between miscarrying once & too many negative signs, I disregarded my frequent emotional episodes & my body demanding naps. We weren't planning on a baby but our fingers were crossed. If we were suppose to have a baby now, then we would. Some call it ignorance. I call it faith.

McKay was working late & I had one unused test left. Two days prior it told us no. I decided to test again anyway but expecting the same sign I had grown to be friendly with.

Nonetheless, I placed it face down on the edge of the bathtub with angst. I put away the laundry, slowly.

I sat next to the test. Looking on the opposite direction, I flipped it over.

With a quick glance, it read positive.

I cried. Whether it was out of complete fear or joy, I still cried. A lot.


Now, our tiny person is 9 weeks & I have never loved a gummy-bear sized baby so much. Realizing the risk of being public during the first trimester, we love this baby whether she is here to stay or not. With the constant reminder that I am now responsible for another human being, I am trying to be better. My work out music has shifted for fear that our child will know of lil' wayne too soon & I am trying to eat more greens. We're grateful that our Heavenly Father is trusting us with this baby. I am longing to snuggle this addition to our family & kiss her cheeks, & tiny toes. I'm okay with giving up all of my sleep, late night ice cream runs & heavy spending for cheerios all over the kitchen floor & dirty diapers. We feel so blessed.

17 comments :

  1. AHHHH Congrats darling! I just teared up! YAY!!! :)

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  2. she/he is awkward. I chose she.

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  3. exciting. and of course lil wayne

    k

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  4. I have to agree with Steph's comment. It's such a blessing and miracle to be able to have a baby. I hope it continues to go smoothly.

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  5. You're so cute, I have missed your updates lately. Good luck with your pregnancy, I am so happy for you!

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  6. So happy that everything is going along good so far! The Lil' Wayne thing made me laugh so hard! How do you still have the energy to workout and what kind of workouts are you doing? Are you starting to develop a bump yet? I'm so excited to see and so excited for you and your husband (: It was very brave of you guys to announce your pregnancy so early, I wish you guys the best and a healthy pregnancy!

    xx
    Cecilia
    dearestlou.com

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  7. So exciting!
    I think you should take weekly pictures of your bump,to see how it's growing,since you have had a miscarriage,you should picture every step of this new chapter of your life!
    All the best sweetie

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  8. So, I'm confused. You weren't "planning" to have a baby, yet you've already miscarried (sorry about that dear, that's awful) and you took multiple pregnancy tests in your short 5 months of marriage... Either you aren't on birth control, or you don't understand how babies happen? Haha. I'm really more just curious than anything how this wasn't planned. I'm excited for you though! Congratulations.

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  9. This has nothing to do with this post, but I was thinking about you today and thought, since you love panties so much and you can't wear them anymore, why don't you make a blanket out of them, just think about it:) Always praying about you:)

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  10. so sorry to hear about the miscarriage. it's a hard thing to go through i'm sure. thankfully i never had to. you'll be a great momma. congrats to you both.

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  11. Replies
    1. You know how people will make quilts out of their t-shirts and what not? Well why not do it with panties? Your comfort I one blanket! Well I don't know if it wil work with thing but with boy shorts it would!

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    2. this may be incredibly silly of me to ask, but is that a mormon thing? like do you really have to wear certain undies?

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    3. no, we can wear panties if we want. but when we get older, we do wear a different kind of underwear, which we start wearing after we go through the temple! they're called garments.

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