within a date.


While I was taking a marriage & relations class, I learned that we- as unstable, emotion-dependent, human beings- associate feelings within dates. Regardless of year, we carry on this emotion even though the event has long passed.

November 26. My birthday. Happy & self serving.
January 6. Marriage Anniversary. Celebratory & sensual. (Oolala.)
July 9. The day my mom died. Sorrow.

Today has been fine.

I woke up too late & painted my nails. McKay called midway through my work day to say i love you & i'm wearing my favorite pants. I'm planning on going to Starbucks for a double chocolaty chip frappe.


I feel quiet. I replay this day, seven years ago. It was a Sunday & I was twelve. She was in a car accident. The evening before she called to say she was moving back to Utah in a few weeks. We'd be a family again.

Since then,
I started & finished middle school. I graduated high school. I started college. I got married. A lot of life has happened since then but it always slows down today. Her death dictates July 9th. Today I think of her death, not of her life. I don't think she wanted to maim this day, so we're bidding this day adieu.

On the other days, I will think of her life.


  1. This literally brought me to tears.
    But one thing's for sure, she loves you. And she's proud of you.
    Stay strong, and thank you for your example.

  2. That's for sure. She is looking down - thinking how much you have accomplished, how successful you are, and how inspiring. I don't think she could ask for anything better than who you've become.

  3. I feel the same way on my dad's anniversary.. I wish I could tell you get it gets easier... but its been 14 years... and its the hardest day of my life.. It is never easy to loose a parent..

  4. this post is beyond words. thanks for sharing.


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