Taboo.

8.18.2012

Disclaimer (So stupid.)
If you are the tender age of 16 or younger, I like you but this post is not for you. If you feel the need to read, then fine. This post will offend some & it's a tad bit risque, so blush on.

Sex.

You asked, so here you go.

I received a comment saying that I am the wrong person to ask about sex because I'm Mormon. Out of the slew of comments I received, that was my favorite. Yes, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints & there is a general understanding we are a prude group of people. I don't believe that. I do believe that sex is sacred & to be kept within marriage. However, I also believe sex should be talked about. Someone warned me to err on the side of caution while writing this post & a blog is not the place to address such matter but I think you are wrong.

I don't believe the LDS church is flawed; I believe the members are which is only expected because as humans, we are not flawless. Within the Mormon culture, sex usually isn't talked about. It's often avoided & swept under the rug. I am not attacking parenting styles but rarely do teens get "the talk." I am not talking about "the talk" that refers to you are of age to wear deodorant, your private parts will bleed monthly & you might start liking boys. I speaking about the nitty-gritty. The urges you get when you start sucking face & where exactly the line is. I don't care if it makes anyone uncomfortable, it needs to be addressed. Shoving a For the Strength of Youth bookmarked at "Sexual Purity" in our faces is not enough. I believe parents need to sit down & define "petting" & "necking" because it is not our Young Women's leaders responsibility; it's yours.

Now that I am married, I understand that love making is important. Before I got married, my dad sat me down to have "the talk." It didn't go the direction I thought it would. Instead of focusing on the actual action, he taught me about communication. If you want good sex, you need to talk about it. I don't mean that in a crude manner. Sex is something that takes a lot of trust in your spouse & it's a state of total vulnerability. While in high school, I understood that sex should be kept for marriage for the basics reasons; pregnancy, diseases & it's not what the Lord would have me do. However, now I know sex has so many emotional side effects which I can only assume can cause damage in a dissolving, uncommitted relationship.

Sex needs to be a frequent conversation you have with you spouse. If you are uncomfortable with something in the bedroom, say it. Voice your concerns- but not criticism, your desires & give praise. I have seen marriages crumble due to a lack of understanding in the bedroom.

To the people who believe sex is a taboo topic (& to the person who believes I wouldn't know a thing because I'm Mormon), you are the reason I am studying to be a sex therapist.

23 comments :

  1. I'm glad you are willing to share this kind of stuff!

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  2. good to know that my comment was your favorite.
    you handled this well.
    i am sorry i assumed this whole thing about sex and mormons.
    you proved me wrong.

    p.s. you can be my sex therapist.

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  3. A-freaking-men! We had my best friend's bachelorette party a couple nights ago and she/we knew nothing really about how/what her "first night" was going to be like because we don't, as you said, openly talk about it. Luckily her future sister-in-law was there and told us more that we should know. It was not inappropriate or disgusting, etc, but it was really helpful to know for future--she talked a lot about communication, just like you. It really is a sacred experience that brings together an eternal couple. It is part of Heavenly Father's plan and really is, as odd as it sounds, a beautiful thing. He made man and woman's bodies the way they are for a reason. I love your blog and you really. Haha thanks for standing strong for us all.

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  4. i liked what you said about communication. it's very true. because the topic is so taboo...i think youth struggle even more with what they are feeling - they don't even know that the whole thing IS a part of God's plan for us. because nobody tells them. because...SHHH...it's the "S" word.

    and when i heard that you were going to write a "sex post" i thought it was going to be...well...the talk. and i was nervous! but now that i see what you wrote - i am so happy you did! it is important for people to know that not only is it okay to make their children aware of what things REALLY are but that they NEED to - before someone else does and gives them a very WRONG perspective, and/or find an unhealthy view of it by themselves.

    So thank you (: and keep writing! you are wonderful.

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  5. Amen to everything. There is a huge lack of both pre-marital and post-marital sex education in the Church, because ultimately the responsibility rests on the parents to teach their children about sex. However, I think many parents don't talk about it because nothing's published about it, and they're trying to be reverent about sacred things.

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  6. I grew up in an LDS home that was very open. Me wanting to listen is a completely different story...because it completely embarrassed me.

    I watched a church video in Sunday school that discussed that parents need to talk to their children about their bodies at developmentally appropriate and in sacred ways. Not giving parts nicknames (weewee) and teaching them as they begin to notice things, not after there has been a problem and communication is shut down.

    Communication is key to ANY relationship. I loved this, thanks for sharing it :)

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  7. This is exactly what youth need to be taught. Growing up in the mormon church, I felt like I was basically taught that if I had sex before marriage I would die. There is so much more that needs to be taught and you just explained it perfectly. Props to you.

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  8. Didn't think this post was racy or risqué at all. I thought your message was sensitive and practical as it should be. Just out of curiosity, are Mormons allowed to do oral? Or is it just something that's frowned upon? I've always heard from the Mormons that I know that sex is about procreation, not recreation.

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    Replies
    1. Within in marriage, anything is go, as long as both people are comfortable. Sex is about procreation but I consider it recreation with my husband. It cures headaches too.

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    2. As much as I liked this post, I'd have to disagree with the above comment ^^
      I personally dont think "Anything is go" within a marriage.
      Our bodies and their abilities to procreate are very sacred, and should be treated as such.

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  9. i really liked this. my parents definitely gave me the talk and were very straightforward and specific about things like sex, necking, petting, etc. i have been shocked in my college life that i have had to explain some things i think are very basic. i felt like this post was very sensitive and also informative. thank you!

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  10. This was awesome. My LDS Marriage & Family teacher said the exact same things you did. People needed to hear this.

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  11. This is something my BISHOP actually told me when I was talking to him right before I got married. Granted, I had already learned all of this and understood that because I'm going into therapy myself. But it was great to actually hear my bishop say that he had talks with the youth in my ward on a monthly basis about sex from a church stand point, and that he talked to the parents as well, encouraging them to do their part in teaching their children correctly. I think the tides are beginning to change, slowly but surely...
    This post is perfect. Thank you for saying my thoughts for me. I appreciate it!

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  12. were you ever scared before you were married? Sometimes I get really scared about it all, and I'm just hoping the fear will go away when I get married.

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  13. mormons don't masturbate, do they? because i heard from someone that mormon women don't even wipe up after using the loo for fear of touching their vaginas... it could be a rumor, i hope so because this is just too crazy!!

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    Replies
    1. Mormons aren't weirdos. We're normal people. We wipe after going to the bathroom, just like you. I wish people wouldn't start weird rumors like that.

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  14. I think was a very well thought out approach to a sensitive and important subject. Since I've just spent the last long while reading many months of past posts I feel like I know you and I like your writing voice a lot. You're so genuine.

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  15. Thank you! You are amazing. Well said

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