getting the right nipple. the bachelor : week 5

2.05.2013

"the two day bachelor event starts right now." Chris, you are too sweet to us, voluntary bachelor addicts.

this is beside the point, but Chris Harrison for the next bachelor? He's got my vote. That would be painfully hilarious.


Who wants to bet that Lindsay is menstruating? That is the only logical reason you would burst into tears when you get asked on a date.

I want someone to set up picnics before I get there. Where can I get a crew to do that for me?

I think I like Montana. It's cozy.

I appreciate that Lindsay isn't looking like a super slut. Casual jeans, & a blazer. Thanks for keeping your boobs in your shirt. It's a noble trait.

Let's dance on this elevated platform so everyone can watch us on our first date. That's normal & totally comfortable.


Lindsay is non-face. I keep forgetting she is there. Daniella is in the same boat.

Canoeing, hay, goats & a lot of screaming. It's just like girls camp.

"Get the right nipple." That poor goat.

Nothing like warm goat milk to make you feel like a winner. Sick. Des, you've got some lady balls, to be frank.

If I had a nickle for every time Tierra acted like a sane, reasonable person I would- oh, wait.

T is cray. I don't even say that word but that is the severity of the situation. Way to crash a party, sister.

Daniella is next to go. She sort of reminds me of a sad, wasted Britney Spears.

Well,  I'm bad at this game. Rose for Daniella.

"I'm excited to see my husband." says the over eager lunatic.

Oh, everyone has a sad story. You're late to the party, T.

T & her crazy person brows.

Bye Jackie. You're a ginger. You'll find love.

I really don't think I would cry if I got dumped on the bachelor. Sure, being rejected on national TV is embarrassing but crying isn't necessary. Girl, you have dated him for like 5 minutes.

OOOOOH, cute nail polish Jackie- as she covers her face to hide her heartbroken tears.

"I got the roooosssse." says T. Deja vu. Courtney. Ben's season. Finally, I see the resemblance. All the more reason to punch her in the tots.

Robyn gets it. Chiffon dresses all night long.

Selma, your dress is like a floral, poncho- but you rock it.

Robyn, Catherine & Les, YES. Rip her hair out. With words.

"If I wanted to get engaged, then I could go get engaged." Oh, so a reality TV show is ideal for your engagement.

"I am a Scorpio." says T. Oh, hell.  She can't stop. Quality entertainment, people.

Lesley is the best. She's the cool girl in the house & doesn't have an ounce of crazy in her.

Chris Harrison. Host/best friend/psychologist/future bachelor.

"Maybe I will go through this journey & not find my wife. That would be terrible." says Sean. You mean "tierra-ble."

"..There is tension, and drama, but on the bright side." Our ratings are going through the roof- I think that is what you meant to say, Chris.

Nooooooooooooooooo. I love Robyn. I knew that she wouldn't make it very far.

See you tonight when Tierra fakes her death. What an idiot.

9 comments :

  1. Haha this is made me laugh! Your great- looking forward to tonight as well:)

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  2. seriously tierra drives me absolutely crazy. i die inside. i hate her so much but i know she'll stay forever. props ABC. keep your ratings up. but still, a good episode all in all. i can't wait to see what crazy thing happens tonight! hurrah!

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  3. tierra is miserable. miserably awesome entertainment.

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  4. Hahaha this actually kinda makes me want to watch the bachelor!

    Katie
    katieelizabethbaker.blogspot.com

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  5. bahaha. t is nuts and i just wanna shake sean and i be all what are you doing???? ashley with the captial l and des are the best and should be the final 2!!!

    XO
    E

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  6. :) Ahhh. Love it. And right, Tierra go get yourself engaged. Jeez.

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  7. This is hysterical. Glad I stumbled upon your blog today!

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  8. K, I don't watch the bachelor, but reading your reviews make me laugh so hard, I want to watch it!

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  9. i love this so much. and yes, you'd love montana. it's great. i was so excited when i found out they were going to glacier.

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