PRE-MOTHERHOOD THOUGHTS

12.17.2014

I was once told to avoid talking about religion, politics & finances at dinner parties. I'd like to include parenting to that list. Luckily, this isn't a dinner party.

As a child, I grew up with a loving, involved mother. The kind of mom that would include notes in my lunch at school & throw themed birthday parties. We frosted sugar cookies, enjoyed holiday traditions & my childhood was filled with overwhelming love from both of my parents. My mom had trials of her own that I didn't see as a child, but as a mother, she was wonderful & filled with warmth.

The summer before entering the seventh grade, my mom passed away in a car accident. Through my teenage years, I didn't have a motherly figure in the home but luckily, I was blessed to be surrounded by women who shared the same warmth that my mother had.

Growing up in two very different home environments, I made mental notes of the mother I wanted to be. I assume making a list of the traits I hope to have someday is easier than implementing them & I'm sure they will shift over time, because I have yet to become a mother. I also think I may look back on my list, either with a laugh as I'm sitting on the floor covered in baby poop or with hope that I may not be entirely crazy.

These are the few things that have been on my mind lately. It's a running list so there may be future posts on this matter.

I hope my daughter knows she is loved. It sounds so ordinary written down. I hope she knows through my actions that I love her, but I also will tell her frequently & daily how grateful I am for her. I think actions normally get more glory than words which I imagine is sort of offensive to journalists of the masses. Both my mom & dad told my brother & I how much they loved us. To this day, I end every phone call with my dad & sassy, 16 year old brother with an "I love you." Through the last few years of absolute dysfunction, I never questioned if my dad loved me which I think is important.

Even if I want to throw my kid out the window, I'm not going to tell you about it. There is a certain amount of transparency that comes with the use of social media. I'll be the first to say that I will be posting copious amounts of photos of our tiny one on instagram & I'll probably tell you all about when she pooped all over her new blanket. I think there is something wonderful about the reality of being a mom & no one handles this concept better than Lex Zurcher. I know that she has her days filled with messes made by her sweet toddler & other motherly mishaps, but I never feel like she is complaining about being Ellie's mom. She exudes light & it's refreshing. It's one of the reasons that she is one of the few blogs I still read consistently. It's exhausting being around those that complain about everything. I'm going to try my best to keep it real, but also remain positive. Spit up, sleepless nights & all. (This section excludes my close friends & husband when I need to have a mental breakdown. I'll be coming to you instead of facebook. Sorry.)

I will try to remain logical, moderately calm & semi-showered. I have this fear that being a mom is going to be terribly overwhelming & I'm going to be a hot mess. I need to come to terms that I may feel a little bit crazy & out of my element, but I also need to remember to be okay with the chaos. Bri, my BFF & sister in law- mother of 4 little ones, collector of 10,000 hobbies- is the most put together person I know. She manages to be a mom to a herd of kids, an interior designer, a florist, a graphic designer & the list goes on. It's insane. She's insane. I hope to have a bit of her grace & remain relatively put together. Or at least showered weekly. We'll see. I'll keep you posted on this goal.

Walking into motherhood relatively blind should be nerve wracking but I feel calm. I know I have a lot of really great support surrounding me, especially McKay. We may be covered in baby juices for months & my nips might fall right off from breastfeeding, but I am pretty excited about this entire endevour.

8 comments :

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. im pretty much tearing up right now, nicest thing anyone has ever said!! thank you. you are going to be a wonderful, adoring, beautiful mother. your baby girl is sooooooo lucky. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo

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  3. Your mother was an amazing mother and the mother I have tried to be to my children. She was such a great example to me! She radiated love and warmth, and I loved being around her. She really did love you so much! You will be a great mother Megan! I'll bring you some tator tot casserole after you have the baby. ;)

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  4. With your common sense and positive outlook, I think you're gonna do great. Great things are in store! I'm excited to see the beautiful little human you two made! (:

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  5. Its beautiful madness and worth the inevitable tears and pressure when your baby looks at you whilst you look after them, their old souls in tiny body's and its wonderful. Also I consider it a good day if I manage to wing my eyeliner

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  6. I hope I'm not one of those moms who comes off as not loving being a mother ! Parenting is seriously the best and most frustrating thing ever. hahaha, especially with my little demon. He is cute but oh, so naughty. Really, though? How does a 1 year old figure out how to take off his diaper and throw his poop pebbles at mom? UNCOOL. (Karma at it's finest. Teenage years should be fun.)

    But really! You are going to be the best mom. Having saggy boobs and dried up nipples has never been so rewarding.

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  7. I've been reading your blog for awhile and one thing for certain, your girl is going to be the sassiest kid on the block.

    xo.

    milaadams

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