WHAT I WISH I WOULD HAVE KNOWN ABOUT PREGNANCY.

2.05.2015

I am going to be inappropriately candid, which I am naturally but choose to filter on my blog. Sometimes. Rarely. Fine, I'm generally inappropriate so this post won't come to a surprise to anyone. You see, I've been pregnant for quite some time now & I've learned some things. Things that I felt like I should have been told but was only told as I was screaming, "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" with a quick response from a old-time mom, "Yeah, duh. Of course you haven't pooped for 5 days."

So let me help you, new time pregnancy-goers. If any of these things are happening to you, it's probably normally. Or if it's not, you can call your OB 19 times a day. That's fine too. They don't charge per call. (If they do, you should probably find a new doctor.)

Pooping is a luxury. 
Your body is trying to sort itself out, which is a mighty task to do after you surprised it with growing another person. Pooping suddenly does not become a priority which you quickly realize, should be. A dirty cocktail of prenatals & general pregnancy weirdness (that's a technical medical term for those who are new to this,) you suddenly feel incredibly backed up. That's because you are. You might be for a while. Don't worry, you will poop again. I promise, the days of sitting on the pot, praying for some movement will end. Until then, I recommend eating a bowl of oatmeal every morning. It will help.

The Incredible Transformation: Milkers.
I knew that my body would change. I knew about stretch marks, general weird weight gain, & hey, I heard that your bosom may go from an healthy B to a hardy D. Or in my case, a hardy D to a size that doesn't exist in this world. That's all true but it's not like you are getting a new, silicone rack that sticks 1 inch below your clavicles. Things change. You are slowly turning into a beautiful, incredible, efficient milk factory- whether you breastfeed or not, it happens. Just brace yourself for changes. Don't get wide eyed when you catch a glimpse of the girls before you hop into the shower. I can't say things will go back to where they once were, because I'm in the deep midst of wondering, "where the crap am I suppose to put these things?" All is well. We live in a world of milkers. We just don't talk about it. (Also, if you are really nervous about it. Along with your babe's college fund, start a fund called "to put things back to where they once were." No judgement here, girlfran.)

Pregnancy is like your order at Cafe Rio: custom & it waits for no one.
Pork tostada. Corn tortilla. Extra meat. Yes to the cheese. Hold the lime. Heavy on the cilantro. Extra chips. Extra 2 oz. dressing. If you are not a utah native, you do not understand the intense pressure of the Cafe Rio line. There are unwritten rules once you step into the line at Cafe Rio. As customers, we know it & as mexican-meal fairies, they know it. Don't you dare look at the menu if it's your turn to order. You must know your order, promptly. Move swiftly through the line. No lingering & no holding up the people behind you. Always get a punch card.
However, as a person who just wanders into a Cafe Rio because you found a great review on yelp, you're in trouble. You entered a world where everyone knows everything & you are walking up to a firing squad yelling "EXTRAA MEEEAATT." I imagine it to be nerve wracking.
Pregnancy is a lot like Cafe Rio. Everyone has a definitive, yet different order. They also furrow their brow in your direction when you say, "hold the lime" as they ask for extra. People like huggies or pampers, or cloth diapers- (That's weird by the way. Say no to cloth diapers. See? Even I'm doing it.) Do you breastfeed, pump, use formula? How dare you even ask? Bassinet or co-sleep? All of the drugs in your hospital suite or birth that baby on your new TJ Maxx sheets at home? People will give you a lot of advice. It's overwhelming. You should create a spreadsheet to keep it organized. Absorb as much of the information as you can, then filter it according to what you want to do. In the end, you will be one of those moms who will be able to shove advice at others someday. It's your choice.
For me, I plan on being a epidural-welcoming, hosptial-birthing, breastfeeding, pampers for newborns, & yes, I'm going to target when I want to, kind of mom. Despite the wonderful & credible advice that I decided to ignore.

You don't need to be medicated. You're just pregnant.
I was sobbing again, for some reason that I can't remember because I often sobbed. I cried to McKay as I said, "I think I need to be medicated. They make medicine for being unreasonable, you know!" McKay responded, "No, you don't, honey. You're just pregnant." Pregnancy does, in fact, make you a little bit (or a lot, depending on the day, time & weather) crazy. If pregnancy was a medication the side effects would include, "nausea, fatigue & becoming terribly emotional, irrational, & irritable over things such as clogging the toilet, documentaries about penguins & the sheets that you originally wanted went on sale after you bought them." After you've finished your daily freak out, get yourself together & realize that it's fine. Blame it on your precious baby for making you insane.

Happy baby growing to you. It's really quite lovely.

8 comments :

  1. I love this! Can I offer another piece of advice? The majority of women experience post-partum depression, which might seem like another dose of your last paragraph. As one stranger to another :) that's not what it is! Post-partum depression is real and can be helped with medication, and there's no shame in that if you need it. So many women ignore it, think it's just because they're tired, or blame themselves and wonder why they're feeling sad when something so wonderful just happened. Your body is an amazing thing, but it also takes some time to get back to normal after doing something as HUGE as making and expelling a baby. Here are some of the symptoms (http://goo.gl/eDYmnh). Please know there's absolutely no shame in getting help if you experience them. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, you're right & I agree with you! That's why I was only specifically talking about the hormone changes during pregnancy that can be overwhelming to deal with. I'm sure I will have another post in the future about what I didn't expect in the postpartum life!

      Delete
  2. haha i'm no where near being pregnant yet, but i'm saving this because i love it. i love in what to expect when you're expecting (the movie) that one lady goes on like a huge rant about how much being pregnant sucks. like i said before, i've never been pregnant, but i can imagine i will want to read things like this post when i am feeling like the only person in the world who isn't loving it!
    xoxo
    e
    emmyjake

    ReplyDelete
  3. Just wait until the post labor bowel movement--that will truly be one for the books. (Easily my least favorite part of the whole process) oh, & hemorrhoids--that i only thought happened to a small few. Turns out its more like 50/50. Just keep praying that it's not you!

    ReplyDelete
  4. What Macey said. You start to wonder if you'll really ever poop again or end up in the hospital 2 weeks after birth because nothing is coming out. But it does haha! Okay. Also, you can practice "pushing down" the baby when you poop because it's the same muscles and the same "involuntary push" feeling. That's what we learned in hypnobirthing and it's called "J breathing" if you want to look it up, and I can tell you that it's super effective! Even with the epidural, I did it and had minimal pushing. Yay for poop!

    ReplyDelete
  5. THANK YOU MEG! I am only 9 weeks pregnant and I swear...my world is just melting away slowly! I just never feel like myself...the POOP (tmi?), the emotions!! Gosh...I could go on forever. Please tell me it gets better? :(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah, hooray for pregnancy! That really is so exciting. Despite my candid poop talk,
      I've loved being pregnant! I know that every pregnancy is very different but make it through that first trimester, & you'll feel a lot better. It's fun to start shopping & feeling your tiny one wiggle around. It's worth it. Plus, I think you're entitled to a "but I'm pregnant" excuse every now & again. So, have a tub of ice cream.

      Delete
  6. Hahah this is so spot onnnn. I'm feeling all of these things!

    ReplyDelete

Proudly designed by | mlekoshiPlayground |