It's the most wonderful time of the year. Bachelor season.

1.04.2016

I've had 100 ounces of water today & 0% sugar so I am feeling READY to tell you all about Ben Higgins & his flock of women. Let's do this thing.

This year I've taken my dedication to the Bachelor Franchise to an entirely new level. The athletic level. I've joined a bracket, because I'm 12 seasons deep into this thing so I feel like I can guess like I'm Chris Harrison himself. Also, if I win, I get to go to Target with hefty gift card to buy all of the Nate Berkus wall-hangings & enough $1 notepads to fulfill the needs of all stationary-loving humans.

Each week, I'll show you who I think should have gotten a rose. Now with the conclusion of the first episode, I'm reasonably happy with my choices- even though Ben, by contract, is required to keep a few ethnic girls & a few crazy ones, too.

I'm in first place this week. (Well, I'm tied for first with 3 other ladies in our Bachelor-fan group. Let's disregard that.)

I've been indifferent about the last few bachelors. Okay, bachelor. Chris was a complete flop for me, but I jumped for joy, with the rest of America, when Ben was dubbed King Bachelor 2016. He seems normal, which maybe isn't great for entertainment but THIS IS FOR LOVE, PEOPLE.

On the first night, I can barely keep track of all the girls because I'm overwhelmed by sequins & the few whack jobs in the group who get the majority of the screentime. So let's just jump right to the queen bee herself. Lace.

While I was choosing my bracket, it really came down to Lace & one other non-faced girl to even make it past the first rose ceremony. I could see the crazy in her smile which I assumed the producers would feast on. The name Lace- not Lacey, but Lace, as in the main ingredient for cheap lingerie, means trouble. Look girlfriend, you aren't allowed to have  DTR with your not-boyfriend after talking with him for 4 minutes. I also wouldn't suggest not having a mental breakdown because he didn't make eye contact with you the entire time he was also looking at his other 30 girlsfriends. Sometimes it's really no surprise why some are still single.

Flower child. You know the one, with a giant rose on her head. If you missed her, you probably had too much to drink. I did not, for good reason, put her in my continuing bracket because she is a hippie gone wild, holding a syringe full of novocaine. Ben really, really liked (was totally scared of) her.

Those are the two that I'm most afraid of right now. I surprisingly like a lot of the girls this season. It's also bizarre because 90% of them are my age.

LB is adorable. She has that "laid back, I won't jump down your throat if you don't make eye contact with her for the entire rose ceremony" attitude about her.

Amanda has nice hair. She also sounds like a cartoon character.

Of course Olivia received the first impression rose. I love her. I love anyone that doesn't sound like moron when they speak. The news anchor thing really gives her full-sentence-thing an edge.

Lauren #68 (H) reminds me a lot of Whitney from Chris' season. Sweet as sugar. She's a kindergarten teacher, of course she is sweet.

Caila is my favorite. She is so normal. She probably watches Grey's Anatomy & shops at Costco. I also liked that she didn't look like a stripper on the first night. High five for being classy.

BECCA, BECCA, BECCA. for bachelorette.

Until next week, prepare yourself for the most controversial season of the Bachelor yet!

4 comments :

  1. My favorite part of bachelor season is your blog posts!

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  2. I really wanted to like Caila but I found it sort of stalker creepy she dumped her BF of a year to be on Batchelor with Ben, but maybe I'll warm up to her. This is going to be an awesome season!

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  3. It makes me so mad that the producers make Ben keep the crazies around. I really liked Red Velvet, but I guess she was too normal because Lace got to stick around and the life size rose was picked over her. Boo. But I guess that's what I signed up for when I became a Bachelor fan.

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  4. I think this is going to be a great season! I feel like it has been awhile since there was one I was pretty excited about. This is probably one of the more beautiful casts I have seen in awhile too. Can't wait! And your recaps are awesome. :)

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