list one : goals + dreams for this year
A few weeks ago, I sat in a quiet lobby, decorated to calm hormonal ladies. Most of the other women who were waiting were pregnant, but I wasn't. Nor am I now. I was unusually anxious, which really isn't out of my character, but I thought I was actually going crazy.
I thought to myself, "maybe this is postpartum depression?" which sort of felt odd because my daughter is 10 months old. I knew it was a possibility. I always thought depression or anxiety would feel differently. Foggy or incredibly solemn. I felt angry. All of the time. At situations & people that normally bring me great joy. I stepped back from my situation to realize that something was wrong.
My very favorite doctor, who I hadn't seen since he delivered Juniper, greeted me so warmly. After explaining my deteriorating mental health, he prescribed me an antidote to calm my every simmering anger.
Exercise. (Or start there & if that doesn't correct it, maybe a hormone panel is in need.)
I'm not one for new years resolutions normally, as I feel like they clutter the majority of January & fade away throughout the year, but I do feel as if it's necessary for me now.
I'd like to be healthier. In the kind of way that I don't eat ice cream for dinner & brownies for breakfast. I'm getting older & I can't pack away french fries like I could when I was 17. I understand that my stretch marks probably won't go away, which I'm okay with. I'd like not to be winded when going up a flight of stairs. I've invested in a sponsor- sort of like a mending alcoholic. She'll keep me accountable & send me daily "stay away from Sodalicious" texts.
I will slow down. I like being busy. Incredibly, over-booked, doing-too-much, busy. It doesn't suite my family, or myself when I don't leave time for either. I will let the dishes pile up while we stay in bed enjoying Juniper's babbles. I won't pencil in appointments that aren't necessary. I will not treat being busy like a novelty that should be had.
Mostly, I hope to be more kind.
I was gifted The 52 Lists Project by Moorea Seal over the Christmas Season. I'll be taking prompts, as I'm too boring to think of my own.