list one : goals + dreams for this year

1.03.2016

Blogging isn't a new year goal of mine. Writing is. Whether that be here, or in a notebook while waiting in a lobby or quickly jotted down in my phone- I'd like to write more. It use to act like therapy for me, which I'm in need of. Perhaps, I'll see you around more often.

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A few weeks ago, I sat in a quiet lobby, decorated to calm hormonal ladies. Most of the other women who were waiting were pregnant, but I wasn't. Nor am I now. I was unusually anxious, which really isn't out of my character, but I thought I was actually going crazy.

I thought to myself, "maybe this is postpartum depression?" which sort of felt odd because my daughter is 10 months old. I knew it was a possibility. I always thought depression or anxiety would feel differently. Foggy or incredibly solemn. I felt angry. All of the time. At situations & people that normally bring me great joy. I stepped back from my situation to realize that something was wrong.

My very favorite doctor, who I hadn't seen since he delivered Juniper, greeted me so warmly. After explaining my deteriorating mental health, he prescribed me an antidote to calm my every simmering anger.

Exercise. (Or start there & if that doesn't correct it, maybe a hormone panel is in need.) 

I'm not one for new years resolutions normally, as I feel like they clutter the majority of January & fade away throughout the year, but I do feel as if it's necessary for me now.

I'd like to be healthier. In the kind of way that I don't eat ice cream for dinner & brownies for breakfast. I'm getting older & I can't pack away french fries like I could when I was 17. I understand that my stretch marks probably won't go away, which I'm okay with. I'd like not to be winded when going up a flight of stairs. I've invested in a sponsor- sort of like a mending alcoholic. She'll keep me accountable & send me daily "stay away from Sodalicious" texts.

I will slow down. I like being busy. Incredibly, over-booked, doing-too-much, busy. It doesn't suite my family, or myself when I don't leave time for either. I will let the dishes pile up while we stay in bed enjoying Juniper's babbles. I won't pencil in appointments that aren't necessary. I will not treat being busy like a novelty that should be had.

Mostly, I hope to be more kind.

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I was gifted The 52 Lists Project by Moorea Seal over the Christmas Season. I'll be taking prompts, as I'm too boring to think of my own.

3 comments :

  1. Love your new years resolutions. I'm with ya on the exercise and glad to know that is what your doctor prescribed for anger. I use to run in college if I was mad or frustrated and it was the best therapy...I need to start that again. I hope you write here more often, because it's my fav. have a happy new year meg:)

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  2. My postpartum was of the 'rage' variety. I didn't get the blues or any sort of depression, but I got MAD really really easily. At my kids mostly. I got some meds that helped me immensely, but I also worked hard to get outside and be active, which also helped. It sucks that you are feeling those things too, but I hope you can find ways to get out of that slump. :)

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  3. Meg, in the span between your July post and now, I had forgotten about your blog. I remembered it the other day and came to take a look. This post is beautiful. Keep writing. I hope you share with us when you can, because these glimpses of *Meg* just make me feel like the world is a good place even though life's hard, and gosh, everything's going to somehow be okay. And keep exercising. It saves my life, and then I get all non-crazy and think I'm fine, then I quit, and then I get crazy again and have to get back into exercising. Hang in there. You're doing great.

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